Looking and Leaping or Has it really

For most people who know me, it is not hard to figure out my comfort zones are with my family and friends, work, and by myself. I am private and shy and I usually only have a small group of people in my life with whom I spend the most time and others that drift in and out. It is rare that I meet someone who isn't already a friend of a friend and I am most comfortable talking to someone with a wingperson to smooth over the initial conversational hurdles and awkward silences. Therefore, it is safe to conclude that everything about dating causes thoughts of terror and panic.

Growing up, I always just assumed "he" would come if I was just in the right place at the right time. It is both interesting and frustrating to me that people never know when love will find them. As each milestone, accomplishment, and year passes, I find myself wondering if this the thing I needed to achieve or the birthday I needed to reach to finally get my prize! It's a silly way to say it but it does at times feel like love is the result of winning at whatever challenges life throws at you.

Over the past few months, I have felt like my "winning" has been more of the "Charlie Sheen" school of thought and now find myself back at the beginning without either of the gentleman with whom I started out 2011. This is, to say the least, disheartening! I have learned from Mr. December and Mr. January that while the initial process of meeting guys scares me, I actually like being a girlfriend and having a man in my life. I am, of course, skipping the breakup crap (and the increased Casper neuroses due to revolving door daddies) and trying to focus on what was great about finding someone to be in like with for a while. Armed with this knowledge, several glasses of wine, three awesome girlfriends (Kelly, Mel, and Emily), I have made an attempt to broaden my horizons and move away from being passive when it comes to my love life! So I.... decided to try an online dating site to see if I can meet men and hopefully start dating again. Wish me luck kiddos! I have committed to three months on the site and I'm determined to not let my fears hold me hostage. If nothing else, it may make for some funny stories to tell y'all on the underutilized blog.

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